Dear julia,
Due to a rare and virtually unheard of medical condition, it is critical that you excuse julia for arriving at work late today and that you never whisper a word of this tardiness to anyone. julia suffers from an unfortunate ailment known as chris farley syndrome, which is marked by profuse swelling of the butt and an insatiable urge to eat like a cow. In this case, we found the patient deliriously jogging and mumbling in spanish. julia should also be kept away from staples for at least a week, for obvious reasons. Of course any mention of this condition could cause an adverse reaction and completely undermine the hours of coke therapy we've already completed. Please contact my office if julia has more symptoms or you notice julia beginning to die. In any case, you should expect julia soon.
Is this funny?
Please, allow me to explain. I ran across a banner today that said "Are you morning impaired?". My answer; YES! I am the first to admit that until I get my smoothie, read my emails and get settled in, I am NOT a great "morning person", so I was interested in seeing what this was all about, it said to go to http://www.morningimpaired.com/ .
Imagine my surprise and shock when I learned it was a McDonald's site!
I would like for you to stop reading and take a look at it, then come back and let's discuss!
OK..there is NO cure for being morning impaired..but can fight it??
Then, our attorney Mark Markham tells us that our coworkers say late nights of partying have us in trouble with our boss, and thank goodness he has our 'heiny covered' with the excuse generator 3000! That is what generated the email I got that actually looks like a doctor's prescription!
Cute. Clever. Perhaps a novel way for employees to waste time at their computuers rather than working (my personal favorite for that is MonkEMail from Career Builder) but I can't help but ask, regardless of what a clever marketing idea this may be; is there an excuse for eating McDonald's in the first place?
This picture is of my THREE year old Happy Meal. (Yes, you read that correctly, it is NOT my 3-year old's happy meal but A Happy Meal that is 3 years old!!--I kid you not!!!!)
I used to spend a lot of time talking to people at my live seminars about the dangers of fast food, but now I save myself a lot of unnecessary words just by pulling out my 3 year old Happy Meal and letting the folks see for themselves why it may not be such a good idea to consume McDonald's food--it's neither "happy" nor a meal for starters!
When I was recently in NYC for a taping of the Oprah & Friends XM program of Dr. Mehmet Oz, I brought my Happy Meal for him, along with a 3 week old sliced russet potato. He couldn't believe that my Happy Meal was 3 years old and had NO mold, NO mildew, NO rot, NO deterioration--it was just hard but still smells like McDonald's AND your fingers still get greasy and salty to the touch when you hold the french fries! YUCK!!!!
Clearly, regardless of what attorney Mark Markham is spewing, there is NO excuse for eating ANYTHING that McDonald's is selling! Unless of course, you are looking to die early and unhealthy! I am sure your real doctor can write you a note that your boss may buy if you need to be 10 minutes late for work because you need a few minutes to whip up a more healthful breakfast and improve your health, productivity and longevity!
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